To Our Moon, Sleep Well.

by - 10:15:00 AM

To our beloved Moon, now shining as a star...

Back in 2018, I was introduced to your presence when I fell head over heels for Cha Eunwoo, who portrayed Do Kyung Seok in "My ID is Gangnam Beauty." Eunwoo's unwavering pride as a member of ASTRO always resonated with me. I can vividly recall watching him passionately share stories about you, urging people to follow your journey. It was on my 31st birthday when I decided to treat myself a Robong.

You see, I wasn't particularly invested in K-pop at the time. I casually listened to a few artists like 2NE1, BlackPink, and occasionally EXO. Little did I anticipate the profound impact you would have on me. Little did I know that I would become an ardent supporter, dedicating myself wholeheartedly to ASTRO, the first and last K-pop group I would ever stan.

During that time, your songs dominated our household. Although my hubby and children may have grown weary of hearing them repeatedly, over time, I think they developed fondness as well. In fact, I am certain they sing along with me during our car trips, when we work together, or simply relax.

I committed myself fully to ASTRO, transitioning from a mere listener to becoming a fanbase admin, actively participating in fan projects and events, and pushing myself to the limit with voting and charting. Human as I am, I experienced the toll it took on me, as it began to impact my relationships with fellow fans. Eventually, this effect started to manifest through emotional and mental stress, leading me to make the decision to step away from it all. But I did not stop loving you. I supported you the same, but now silently. 

The most difficult truth for me to acknowledge is that I paid the least attention to you compared to your brothers. It frustrates me. I despise the fact that I can only recall a few instances where I attempted to swerve in your lane, but that doesn't imply that I don't recognize your talent as equal to theirs. In fact, you are one of the most talented men I have ever come across. You, as your unique self, are a work of art, and I feel incredibly fortunate to have had the opportunity to witness you in this lifetime. But still, I hate it... I hate it that I didn't love you enough.

Bin-ah, I cannot express enough how much I appreciate getting to know you sooner. I am overwhelmingly grateful for the opportunity to see you, hold your hand, and witness your live performances. Thank you for allowing me to see you in person. ASTROAD BANGKOK 2019 will forever be etched in my memory as one of the most cherished moments of my life, solely because I had the chance to see you in the flesh.

I'm sorry for desiring to see you complete as a group and ultimately choosing not to attend Diffusion Manila instead.
I'm sorry if it appeared as though my support for you stopped.
I'm sorry if it seemed like I didn't love you enough.

It hurts.
It hurts when you realize it too late.
It hurts that I don't really have a story to tell. 
About you.

It hurts when you got the chance but did not take it. It hurts.
And I never thought it would hurt this much. 
But I'll still write about you. Of how I knew you. Of how I remember you. 

I will always remember your smile.
I will always remember how you shine when you dance.
I will always remember your voice.
I will always remember how you made life better.
I will always remember you Bin-ah. 

You've touched my life in ways you didn't imagine and you don't even know it.

I promise to continue to love you, to support ASTRO, whatever, however, they decide to move on. 
I promise to be an AROHA for the rest of my life Bin.

Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. 
Rest in love, our Moon. 

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