Intimacy and Commitment

by - 9:26:00 AM

I think that's the story of our generation's pursuit of fulfillment in relationships. We wished for intimacy without obligation. We wished for sex with no strings attached. We wished for the pleasure of love with none of the work, none of the vows, none of the sacrifice. And we got it. 

But the reults arent what we hoped for. And we're left feeling emptier than before. The intimacy is superficial. The sex leaves us dissatisfied and hungry for something real, something true.

-I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Joshua Harris

I have decided not to write anything about the book until I am done with it. Pero natigilan ako nung nabasa ko yung part nato. Familiar kasi sakin. I remember one conversation with a guy. When I asked him kung napanood niya na yung movie na No Strings Attached, he said "yes" and he said sana ganun lang daw yung parating maging setup. I was trying to justify this, thinking na baka ayaw niya lang masaktan, but it seems to me that what he wanted was only to experience pleasure without the thought of being committed .  I liked this guy so much. Pero sa isip ko, I wouldn't want that kind of relationship. I am not totally renewed that time yet, pero tinapon ko na ang ideyang yun. 

Kaya di ko na aantayin pang matapos ko ang book. I feel like writing about this particular one. 
What's the goal anyway?  I have lots of friends right now who are having this kind of relationship. Hindi man purong No Strings Attached.  But most of the time it's the kind of relationship not based on commitment. Or meron ding tinatawag nilang commitment because they are together, they are faithful, they are one woman man, or one man woman but when you ask them, "So you think he's the one? " The common answer is "Hindi ko alam. Di naman natin alam kung ano mangyayari bukas." I just wanted to share this thought to them. I am still actually learning how to be single and happy. Not single and empty. And I wanna drag them into learning these things. Baka may mapulot sila. Atleast mababawasan yung mga friends kong umiiyak after a break up. =) So if you're up for it. Tara. Sabay tayo.

Now let's chop the idea. 

First let's talk about having a No-Strings-Attached relationship. Friends with benefits as they sometimes call it. Meron ding FuBu (Fucking Buddy). Hindi ko alam kung ganu kalaganap ang ganitong relationship ngayon. Having sexual relationship sa hindi mo matatawag na boypren o gelpren, just for the sake of having mutual feeling of pleasure. Hindi naman kasi pinupublicized ang ganitong relationship. Its only between the two people involved. Depende nalang kung proud sila at Kiss-and-Tell.Why would people engage to this kind of relationship anyway? Madaming rason. Pero ang pinaka common reason is, takot sila sa commitment. Bakit sila magpapatali kung pwede namang hindi and still enjoy the pleasure of sex. Db? May mga complications nga lang if you don't know the rule or worst, if you don't know how to play the game. Unwanted pregnancies and abortion are the usual consequences. It will also lead to One Sided Love. Kahit anjan na sa rule na bawal mainlab, kadalasan kasi di mo mapipigilan. If you're tough, good for you, if you're vulnerable, poor you. 

Second is what you call "in a relationship" status. Do you really think na kung may boypren ka o gelpren ka without thinking of marrying her or him in the future is a commitment? Well, I think it's not. If you are committed you're supposed to make things work till you end up together in marriage. Oo nga faithful ka, nag-iisa lang siya sa buhay mo, pero you're still thinking of the possibility na one day makakahanap karin ng iba. Asan na yung commitment dun? Kung na gets niyo yung point ko, good. Kung hindi, okay lang. I admit mahirap siyang intindihin. =) You would end up empty and hurt. Right? Kelan ba naging madali ang break up? Do you want this? Think about it.

This is the secular way of understanding these kinds of relationship. 

Well what I'm saying is, unless we're sure that we wanted this relationship for good, hwag na muna tayo sali2x. Hehe. 

Where is true joy? It's found in God's brand of love -love founded in love-love founded on faithfulness,love rooted in commitment.

The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.

Who would not want a relationship that when it comes to intimacy, it would be fulfilling, with longterm satisfaction? 

I did mention awhile ago that I fell into these traps. The only best thing about what happened was that I learned a lot. But that's it. When I accepted that I commited these mistakes, repented, confessed and renounced, I was completely healed and renewed. Proud to say, i was signed, sealed and delivered. And right now, I am happy and contented even if I am single. Before, akala ko mahirap maging single. Lalo na kung nasanay ka na may nag-aalaga sayo. You might say it's easier said than done. Yan ang sagot ko sa mga advices sakin before. And I don't even wanna be surrounded by couples! But amzingly right now, I am living with a couple yet I still feel dandy. Well, normal parin naman yung heart ko. Actually, I like someone right now. Yun nga lang, I took this one with a different approach. I don't keep it as a secret. Maybe alam niya, or maybe not. I just don't take it too seriously anymore gaya ng lagi kong gingawa before. Hindi ko tinotolerate ang nararamdaman ko. The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9). I'm just cautious.  I don't let myself stay and linger in his axis na para bang siya lang ang tao sa mundo. I just pray that if he's not the one for me, He'll take it away eventually.  Take it from me, alam ng mga kakilala ko kung gano ako kabaliw with my relationships before. The secret is, let God take the wheel of your heart. You will be amazed. Yung mga bagay na inaakala mong mahirap, well, magiging easy as 1,2,3. Promise, you'll enjoy  being single. 

Oh, and by the way, sa mga friends ko na "in a relationship" I am not telling you to break up with your boyfriends or girlfriends, as if this simple blog from me would make you change your mind. Hehe What you can do is try to check and assess the relationship you have right now. Yun bang sa kasagsagan ng fire eh try to pause. Stop, look, and listen, kung san ba kayo patungo, and how would you end up. Yun lang naman po.

Since nasa 2nd chapter palang ako ng book ngayon, expect that there will be something more. So if you like this post, I encourage you to learn with me. Let's take the journey together, which means abangan niyo ang next post ko. Haha.

Thanks for reading.

Let go and let God.

God bless you and me. 

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  1. bhe ..

    Obviously, having read the book, everyone is meant to draw points from it and its a book that helps people, NOT a manual for their life.

    I personally agree with many aspects about NOT searching for your soulmate for the sake of it, but really to be aware of the people ALREADY in your life God has provided that you should not overlook.

    Whilst I also agree that the method of kissing dating goodbye has worked for Joshua Harris, which doesnt mean will work for everyone, again, what is dating and what is courtship? there is no set answer. -C.A.

  2. Thanks achi.. =))
    Napisip ako dun ahh.. hehe

    Well, that's why i stopped on the 2nd chapter dahil may series of thoughts na nabubuo while reading it. These series of thoughts didn't actually came from Josh but these are my thoughts.Naging trigger lang yung qoute. And I agree with you. This book is not a manual for life. You can choose to make it a manual.. pero pwede ring daanan mo lang ang book nato. Kaya ako uhaw na uhaw sa mga ganitong books eh.. to help myself. Hindi lang books ni Joshua but books that will help me through my journey. Journey of not meeting the one, but journey through walking my life with God. This time yung chapter lang is on how to be contented being single. Di ko pa nabasa buong book, at marami pakong babasahin that I know will mold me to be someone better. I didn't say this book will work for me, like it worked for Joshua, but it will help me answer some questions on my mind. Just like any other book i'll read in the future.

    Thanks super sa comment achi. Ever supportive. Iloveyou.

  3. you did well :)

    That's the first thing people should look at before entering a relationship. I am in love nga with this guy and we're serious. But we're not in a relationship because God's time is not our time.

  4. You know, Joshua Harris didn't write this book to dictate. :) It's your choice what you let inside your ears and minds but it wouldnt hurt to think about what others are saying

  5. Thanks Lal... =)) the main thing is its not about us, me or the one... its about God. God being the center of everything.

    God bless you and this guy you're inlove with Lal. Ate moko ba in age, pero its like you are my Ate maturity wise.

    mwah! PS. I followed your blog. Its worth reading. No!!! It should be read..haha.

  6. make sense shine..sabi nga nila "Don't go looking for love, let love find you"..we just have to be the right time..we'll surely find the right guy God has planned for us.. ^_^

  7. To have someone by your side, someone who would stick through thick and thin, someone to love you unconditionally - we all secretly wish and pray for an ideal love affair. It's human nature. Although some people find pleasure in a diff kind of way, one or another they will grew tired because there's not much to go back for.

    Te Myra :)

  8. That's what I am always praying ever since.. and I still pray for it till today. =))) The only difference is while I am praying for it, i learned how to be content. And FINDING the one is not the goal. Its growing till meeting the one. Being ready and perfect till he comes.

    Thanks te for reading and for the insight.

  9. Just continue being a better person and he will surely come. Remember, stepping back is not an advancement. Continue moving forward coz what define you is not actually your past but your present.

    Your welcome.

  10. Thanks for sharing me this blog. I admire your blogs noon pa man. :) and Im happy seeing you've changed a lot cause of Him! :) continue inspiring others!

  11. thanks raine.. it means a lot. thanks for taking time.. God bless you po.

  12. Di ko alam san ako papanig o kung may karapatan akong magcomment dito. But as I read your entry it is so interesting as you are telling a part of your life that some people around might not know that is really happening to you or another and that is being brave and true to yourself. wiw! Nice Syayn!

    Enjoy life! Ride a bike. Hehehe

  13. eh.. hi another anonymous. salamat ng marami for appreciating this. =)

  14. SUPER LIKE ko ate yunget! :) Thanks for sharing everything. Very much appreciated. I feel really blessed that I am surrounded by God given gifts like you :)


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