I am decluttering and I just bumped into this when I looked into the hidden files on Documents. This doesn't mean I am in this state. I just wanna share this to everyone. Especially to those who are having a hard time moving on. I wrote this 22 days after my ex broke up with me. This might help you a bit..=))))
January 2, 2010
It’s the 22nd day sweetheart. I will be talking about what I have realized today. It’s 2010. I haven’t made my resolution yet. It’s not really every year I am making a resolution. I guess I am just not the kind of person who makes resolutions. I’m the typical unorganized person who’s life is about to go to waste.
It’s the same old day, I woke up and realized I’m not gonna be waking up with you again. And I guess I have to get used to it. 2 years isn’t a joke. These are my darkest days and I am thinking if only I could just cut the 2 years of my life with you and just delete it forever, I would. But I just can’t. In real world there’s no backspace, cut, and shift delete. What you have in reality is a book and chapters of life. What I have with you is a chapter of laughter and tears. But as it ended laughter was forgotten. All that’s left is pain. I couldn’t laugh…even if those were happy memories, just the thought of it hurts. It is painful because I know somehow it won’t happen again. That’s one of the things I have to accept. I have to accept that I’m never gonna have that wake up kiss again. Even though it happened very rarely but at least I have it once in a while, now I won’t be having it. I have to accept that things will never be the same again. You said I should be mature enough to understand that, well for me, this isn’t about maturity. I thought about the relationship we had, it’s not just about me, I think. We both didn’t grew up. Anyway, what’s the sense of this, this won’t change anything. You’re gone and I just have to learn to accept that. I should live with it. It’s time to close your chapter of my life. I know it’s too early to say I’ve moved on but at least now I could say I’m willing to take a step. I don’t know when I will be able to show that genuine smile again. I don’t know when will I be able to laugh but I am looking forward to it sooner. I wont stop myself from crying, I’m gonna feel the pain, but I’ll face everything with courage. I have to face every little thing that reminds me of you with strength. It’s not gonna be easy, but I hope I can make it. I’m gonna do this. I’m gonna make it through. Someday it’s gonna make sense. I’m not gonna stop myself from loving you. I’m just gonna wait for the time that I’d be able to say goodbye without pain in my heart. I’ll never know when I’m gonna be whole again but I will. I LOVE YOU
Well, obviously I moved on. I am in a happy relationship right now for a year and a month. Well, this was my first step.... Eventually, you'll get over you just have to be willing to get over.
Have a happy heart. =)))))))